small changes can lead to big differences.

Friday, December 21, 2012

They say your 20's is when you really get to know yourself. In the past six years, I've went from meek, shy, insecure girl, to way too confident and abrasive girl, to passive-aggressive (this was a short one, I hate being passive aggressive) to girly girl to finally, a good level of confidence and security within myself.

I know I'm pretty. Fun. Adventurous. My life is pretty great simply because of the nature of my job and my attitude towards it. I have two hilarious cats, I like to have fun.. who wouldn't want to hang out with me? Or, more importantly, date me?

And this, my friends, is where I am at today.

It's one of my harsher realizations. I've finally come full circle within myself, I'm finally happy with where I am in life and I'm ready for the next step. So, in true Marjie form, I try to fast-forward what I should just let be.

I literally think to myself "who wouldn't want me in their life?" and that's probably the problem. In the past few months, I haven't allowed one of my ex-boyfriends to be free of me. I know that he still likes me and will hang out with me, and we've gone weeks without talking but I'll see him at the airport and get excited because I do still really enjoy his company. That sighting will catapult us to start texting and calling and whatever, even though we both don't really want to be together (at least he told me he doesn't want to be with me). However, I still find that I demand his attention and I hate it when he doesn't have the time to call when I have questions about stuff.

I also think that I can get back any guy I used to date, which is absolutely untrue and  a very unhealthy approach to friendships and life. Not only am I not in any position to date anyone anyway, but I'm forcing myself into people's lives who are probably better off without me right now - especially since I'm unsure of what the future holds.

This afternoon I came to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to be lonely sometimes. I'm not going to like it, but not many people do and the funny thing is - I'm not alone. Lots of people are lonely. It doesn't mean I have failed as a person or I'm not good enough or anything - it just means that perhaps this time in my life is not the right time for me to find someone to date.

So, consider this my resignation and apology to those I've bombarded in the past. I only meant well, but I'm realizing that I need to let things happen naturally and I need to enjoy my life right now as it is. I still think I'm pretty, fun, and awesome, but I'm also going to have to get used to being all these things - alone. I always told myself that I wanted to make sure I felt "whole" as a person before I met someone, and right now I don't think I'm there yet. Hopefully, I will get there in 2013!


Tuesday, December 18, 2012


Since the moment we're able to react to other people, we are taught by our parents to be nice to others. We are taught the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. Kindness generates Kindness. 

But as we get older and we start to form our own opinions and are placed into situations that test us, who we are stems from those decisions we make at that moment. 

Our decisions and our actions form the type of person we become later in life. Things that happen to us in middle school find a way to burrow into our minds and have an impact on how we react to others and form relationships. 

stepping back into memories. 
In the past few weeks, I've been beating myself up for not being "enough" for people. I flew with another flight attendant who was very territorial with me, letting me know my place in the crew. I was ignored by her and she demanded the attention of the other crew members every time we were together. I knew I wasn't imagining things because I've never worked with someone who was so territorial of pilots and passengers. I don't know if it's because she was intimidated by me or she just doesn't play well with others, but I recognized her behavior straight away and just went with it. I would have loved to get to know the cute pilot more, but I had almost no one on one time with him because she would constantly be taking up all of his attention. 
No, I'm not bitter, even if it sounds like I am. The entire trip, though, I was beating myself up over it because I couldn't understand why someone I just met would be treating me this way. I am a very social person, and to be ignored was not a normal circumstance for me. I'm not a competitor, either - I always include everyone in on whatever is happening. I love my crew family. 
After our trip, I would find myself thinking about how low I felt during that time. I was seriously depressed. The way she treated me reminded me strongly of a girl I knew in junior high that acted and treated me like my best friend but then as soon as she found out which guy I liked, she "stole" him away from me. It was the cruelest form of betrayal and I will never forget it, because it made me feel absolutely terrible about myself. 
After thinking about this and other memories, I started to realize that these occurrences, including the flight attendant I worked with, were affecting me way, way too much. Why was I still reacting to something that happened over 10 years ago? 
After doing some Google searching (clearly the best form of self-help) I came across an article that had the right thing I needed to see at the right time. 

What happened to me in 7th (yes, 7th) grade has been terrorizing me for ages. But for something that happened over ten years ago, something I only just barely remember, could the facts really be true? 
Yes, I remember walking into the gym during our swim meet (I never told you I was cool) and finding them cuddling together, but that's pretty much it. I don't remember what else they were doing, I just remember that scene. My feelings afterwards were those of self-hatred. I couldn't even swim well. I felt like my world was completely over because not only did I lose the guy I was crushing on, but I knew I lost a friend. But as a 26 year old girl, I'm realizing that these are just stories I'm telling myself. I am convincing myself that I was the victim, that I was the innocent girl who was betrayed by two people she thought cared about her. I'm telling myself that I can't trust anybody - even now - because that pain that I went through was almost the worst pain I've ever experienced. 

What if, instead of all that sad shit, I told myself that it just simply weren't true? 

I'm pretty sure I've gone through worse pain and that I will go through worse as I age and the natural progression of life starts to happen. I'm pretty sure that I don't want to be known as a "victim" but instead, a "champion." I am also 101% sure that while what she did to me was pretty shitty, I can't take it personally. I just can't, because she had some issues going on where her sense of self-worth was lower than mine, and this was her way of getting herself to feel better about who she was as a person. I've never had to do anything like that to make myself feel good. 

Once I asked myself how I would feel if those feelings I felt towards that situation simply weren't true, I noticed an incredible difference with myself. Almost all of my animosity towards that particular situation had disappeared. I started to realize that things like that happen to many, many people - and that what they did to me had no reflection on who I am as a person. I immediately realized what I told you earlier - she had sunk to an incredible low just to hurt me and make herself feel better - which is a situation far worse than mine. 

Realizing that I couldn't take that situation personally made me realize that I really couldn't be taking many situations personally. Going back to my flight attendant story - she had just met me and was alienating me the first night. I'm can't take that personally, because she has no idea who I am. Of course, at the time I was hurt, but I also think if I hadn't worked with her I may have never realized how I was taking everything as a personal attack. 

So next time you find yourself in a situation with someone, such as a betrayal, someone alienating you or just being plain mean - think to yourself "Before I take this personally, what if it just simply weren't true? What if this person is acting out because of something else going on in their life?" & I bet you will be able to let it just slide off your back. 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Here are some pictures of cats.

You didn't ask for it, but here they are!! Pictures of my foster cats, Rocky and Mickey. You can learn more about these oafs over at

And yes, they're up for adoption! spread the word!



Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Things Change.

Something I've come to realize is that I don't trust myself. I don't trust that I'm pretty, that I can attract guys, that I'm doing my job right, financially stable, happy..etc.

It comes to be an issue when things pop up in my life and I have to make a decision. "Do I want this? Am I sure? How can I be sure that I want this?" are questions I ask constantly. Most of the time, things pop up that can be close to life-altering- interviews for jobs, new potential boyfriends, etc. I'm often weighing the pros and cons, thinking obsessively about the future and questioning every potential outcome.

I look around to the life I've created for myself. I have only been able to be where I am because I took major risks. I dropped out of my safety net (school) to risk becoming a flight attendant, and now I'm about to risk leaving my job for a better job in the same field. Do I want it? Why, sure I do. Who wouldn't? But am I ready for another potential life altering event? I could be based on the other side of the country! I would have to leave my safety and comfort of my friends, apartment and job that I've gained a lot of seniority in just to be based on the other side of the country and be the most junior flight attendant at the company. Of course, as all things work, the end product would be incredibly rewarding, but what if I regret it? What if I end up missing Chicago, giving up my foster cats, not being able to live the life I think I love?

And once I convince myself that I DO want it, that I AM willing to relocate and give up my current lifestyle, then come the haunting thoughts of "What if I don't get the job?"

What if I get myself so emotionally prepared - even excited - to start this new chapter in my life and I don't even get the job? It's incredibly likely, too. I know plenty of people who have interviewed just to hear "We'll call you." What if I come back broken-hearted, just to feel insecure, sad and confused?

There's a part of me that doesn't want to go through the interview. I'm perfectly capable of convincing myself that I don't want this job, that I'm fine where I'm at and that I couldn't leave my life here in Chicago. But there's that voice - that intuition, gut feeling - that's telling me I have to try, and I have to do my best. I have to break free of this irrational fear that I will be completely broken if I don't get this job. I have to trust myself that life goes on, and if I do the best I can do, that it wasn't meant to be. It won't mean I'm not good enough  it will just mean that perhaps the universe has other plans for me.

Our biggest regrets in life are almost always those things we didn't try. Those things we were too afraid to do, the things we let our fear convince us that we didn't need to bother with.

I was just talking to a ramper in Chicago who had a CPD hat on, and I asked him if he worked for the Chicago Police. He said no, but he had a chance to do so. He was supposed to show up one morning with a test, and he would've gotten the job. He didn't do it, and he told me he still thinks about it every day and that he wishes he had. I don't want to wake up every day and think "I wish I went on that interview."

So even though I'm pretty nervous and scared, I'm starting to trust myself that I can do this - and I will do the best I can. I know I'm charismatic, unique, and perfectly qualified for the job. If I don't get it, that's okay because I'm lucky enough to have a job doing what I love already. I'll just keep searching for that next step in life, and I know it will come.

New: Travel Cards!

Introducing new travel cards! Made with recycled materials and a typewriter, these are perfect for anyone in your life about to set out on a great adventure. More destinations are coming soon, including Asia, Europe and Hawaii! Click on any of the cards to view their etsy page.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

American Girl in London

The other day I decided to go to London, so I did.

I hopped on the 9pm flight from Chicago, knowing it was wide open and I could probably get a row of seats to myself so that I could stretch out and sleep. Upon arriving at O'hare, I discovered the 6pm flight was seriously delayed due to mechanical, so they were re-booking everyone onto my 9pm flight. What! So unfair! I even tried to volunteer myself to go on the delayed flight just because I knew it'd be wide open.. but alas, they ushered me onto the 9pm flight, inbetween two English men, including one who kept his shoes off the entire flight. Gross. We can smell your feet, my friend.

I took some melatonin (the best thing ever) and actually drifted off to sleep, even in the middle seat! I woke up and the sun was shining which REALLY confused me.

Upon landing in London, I stumbled around until I found the ATM and then the Tube. Following instructions I received from the guesthouse I was staying, I was to take the Piccadilly line to the Victoria line, then walk. No big deal! I still look pretty good after that 9 hour flight! I can walk in 3 inch heels, it's totally fine!

After I figured out how to buy a pass, I got on the train and when I got to my transfer point, I discovered that London just decided to shut down service on the Victoria Line. Okay. So I walked upstairs to find this:

Protesting/shutting down the streets

My new home. 

After wandering around some more, desperately trying to hail a cab but being so freaking confused about the wrong-way streets in London, I finally flagged one down and he had no idea where I was trying to go, but still accepted the challenge. 

the cabs in London have jumpseats. Just saying.
Finally, after paying way more than I can afford to get to my hostel, I ARRIVED! And I was still looking halfway decent! When I made it up to my dorm, I met a friendly girl from France named Eloïse and she invited me to go to Notting Hill, so of course I accepted! 

However, the protests/demonstrations continued to disrupt the streets and tube service, so we had to figure out a way to get their via bus. It proved to be incredibly difficult, and there was a language barrier between Eloïse and I, so much of the time we were not sure what each other was saying but we still had a blast. At one point, Eloïse found Burger King and I think she almost passed out from excitement. 

Somehow this place will get us to Notting Hill. 

Burger King makes dreams come true.. apparently. 


About six hours later, at dusk, we arrived at Notting Hill to find that the markets were all closing shop. There we met up with two of Eloïse's friends from Brazil who wanted to go find pubs and drink Guinness. ACCEPT. 

Once again, however, the streets were confusing and buses were confusing and I don't even know where we ended up or how we ended up here but it happened and it was great: 

dance floorrrr!!!!

The hostel made us wear those bracelets but then we discovered they gave us magical power. Or not. 

Eloïse  and I decided we were NOT dressed up for the club so we tried on the dresses I bought in Notting Hill. I think she looks great but she wasn't happy so we changed back into our street clothes :( 

The next day, our guy friends ditched us so we ventured out again, this time to Camden Street for more shopping. It was Eloïse's last day :( 

Camden street is a mixture of boutique/street markets/things I can buy in Asia for a fraction of the price. In fact, there were so many things that I had JUST seen in Bangkok for sale for triple the price! It was hilarious. There were also so many signs that said "no photography". And there was also this: 

Yep, and there was also this which made me happy. 

 After this fun day, Eloïse had to go back to France and the guys went on to Amsterdam. And truthfully, I was exhausted! From the moment I left my door in Chicago until the morning all three of my friends left London, I was out and about. The last day for me in London was filled with wandering around, sight-seeing, looking for Harry Potter at King's Cross, and eating food. I was ready to go home and I was happy to find that my plane ride home was empty and I finally got a row to myself :) 

Friday, October 26, 2012


If you follow my twitter (which you probably don't because I only have 65 followers) you'll notice that I've made an announcement that I won't be shipping orders internationally without communication first.

Listen. I'm sorry. I know this is a hassle, but when it comes down to this, I run this store for fun. It's not a full time job.

That being said, I don't often run into issues when it comes to shipping around the United States. However, in the past few weeks, my international orders have been extremely problematic. I've been put in two separate positions of losing money or possibly receiving a negative feedback. I chose to refund money on both accounts, even though both instances were not my fault.

Situation #1:

I sent a sweater, in a box, to Germany. It hadn't arrived within 3 weeks, and I received a message from the buyer asking where her sweater was. I told her that 3 weeks isn't long enough and to wait about a week extra. It still hadn't arrived and she was getting agitated. I debated for days on what to do. Since USPS doesn't offer tracking on first class packages, there was nothing I could've done for her to begin with. This is the risk you take when buying overseas. In the end, because I felt bad, I refunded her $18 shipping charge. I'm 99% positive she will receive the sweater, and I told her when she does to just keep it.

Situation #2:

I sold a skirt that already had marks on it to someone in England. Upon packaging the skirt, I discovered an extra, larger mark which I had missed. Of course, this is my fault entirely and I let her know as soon as possible. She and I agreed on a discounted price, so I shipped it out almost immediately. She then came back and changed her mind on the skirt, but I had already sent it... so I refunded her shipping charge, too. The other day, I woke up to a message from her telling me that the Post in the U.K mis-read my customs form and said that I wrote down $109 as the value of the package.. which is $100 more than what the skirt is worth. She demanded that I pay her customs charge which was $32, even though this, again, was entirely out of my hands. And of course, I'm thinking: "Why did she pay that fee? Why didn't she refuse the package?" I find it irritating, especially because this person is a shop owner as well. Me being me, I felt bad and I noticed that I had nothing in my policies page stating anything about customs fees, so I paid the bill.

That's $50 out of my pocket for these people. I literally paid someone to buy something from me. I'm not too happy about this.

It's a risk, people. And guess what? It's merchandise. I can't check "gift" on the customs form just so you can save some money. I'm not willing to get myself in trouble just so I can sell you a $15 skirt.

I know this is probably not the best way to write about my business, but it's really, really irritating. I've had so many people yell at me because of the custom taxes they have to pay for buying something in the U.S. How the hell can I control that? And the length it takes for some packages to arrive - like I said, tracking info is not even offered on the first class international packages.

So from now on, if you want to buy something from me and you're overseas or in Canada, you will have to message me directly to change the shipping price. I'm going to make sure you're aware of the risks that it takes, because I'm not going to be covering any more taxes or shipping charges.

Thanks for understanding,


Monday, October 1, 2012


I only had 26 hours off of work, but I managed to help move in my new roommate, hang out with my mom for awhile, get deep dish pizza (mmm), make like 10 scrunchies aaaaand legwarmers.. and take some pics for etsy! And I still have a good hour to go before I need to start thinking about getting ready for work! haha.

That being said, check out these new listings. My camera remote isn't working, so I have to rely on self timer to take pictures. Unfortunately, sometimes they come out blurry.. but I use them anyway.

Friday, September 28, 2012

real life flight attendant

Are all days the same for flight attendants? oh hell no.

here's a great example of something that can happen on just a regular day of work.

I decided to pick up some extra flying before I began my 4 day trip. Two nights ago, before I went to work, I swear I had this weird feeling about the next day. I couldn't help but wonder if I was actually going to make it to my 4-day, including my layover in Bozeman (my favorite place!).

The first flight should've been an indication: we were going to be arriving in Hartford 20 minutes behind schedule because of headwinds. We ended up arriving just five minutes late, but as soon as we began boarding our next group of passengers, the real trouble began.

just chillin in the hotel.. 
Not only were ATC towers (or something) down, our airplane had a mechanical issue where the pilots had to do everything by hand. It's not worth getting into those gritty details because surely they're not important to you, but it was a pain, took forever and we were weight restricted. We ended up leaving Hartford an hour behind schedule and with a plane full of infuriated people who were going to be missing their connections. I was working in the cabin, so I was the flight attendant who had to calm everyone. I spent the entire 1.5 hour flight to Washington D.C. talking to almost every passenger, delivering the bad news but still trying to instill hope in them. I showed several people the diagrams of the airport, told them what to do once they got to D.C, and showed remorse when I knew they'd miss their flight. I truly felt bad, especially when I found out we were going to be arriving in a gate light years away from 90% of the connections.

By the end of the flight, I had several people thank me, and I could tell a lot more were relaxed or had accepted their fate. Being a flight attendant truly requires very, very thick skin. You have to let things roll off you - including insults (of course, there's definitely a line, but you have to decide when it's crossed.), snarky remarks, unhappy passengers, etc. We, the crew, know the reality of the airline industry. It's rarely perfect. Most things that happen truly aren't OUR FAULT, the airline, it's just the fact that sometimes there's a lot of traffic going into O'hare so we have to wait extra long to get released, or there's a storm on the way so we have to go around it which means our flight is longer, or maybe operations at whichever airport we're at isn't working correctly. So many people say "I HATE THIS AIRLINE!" and I just shake my head. It's not the airline telling us we can't take off yet, and we certainly are not responsible for the storms. Yet it almost feels like so many people need to find something else (or someone) to blame. It's wrong, yes, but again, we're used to it - it's just part of the job.
what my hotel rooms look like. crap everywhere! 

Anyway, after we arrived in D.C, I, too started to accept my fate that I probably wouldn't end up in my amazing hotel room in Bozeman. I still clung to hope, but that hope died when we landed in St. Louis and I found out our flight to Chicago was cancelled and we'd all be staying in STL for the night. The rest of my current crew flew out this morning at 5am, and I'm still here, in my hotel room, waiting until 3pm so I can go to the airport, deadhead (fly on a flight but not work it) to Denver, sit there for 4 hours and then re-join my crew to work the last flight from DEN-BZN. I feel lucky because even though I was upset about not being in Bozeman (BZN) last night, I actually had 2 layovers there right in a row, so I will be there tonight.

All that being said, this is what it's really like for us. There are months that go by where everything goes according to plan - but then you get trips (or a month in my case) where things get incredibly jacked up, things go wrong on every leg and you just sit in your hotel room contemplating what you're really doing with your life. You lose money, you lose time, you lose a lot. But at the end of the day, you go to sleep knowing that you still love your job. You love zooming around in space, talking to hundreds of people a day, flying around the world for fun, going out with your crew family and living out of a suitcase.

So even though I'm supposed to be just waking up in my hotel in Bozeman, surrounded by mountains, I'm okay with my not-so-nice hotel room in St. Louis with a view of a highway. It's trips and events like this that bring me back to reality. If I can still be happy with my life and job after a month like this, then I know I'm still on the right path.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

cat model

so I made Rocky model with me for one of my listings.. it's for the scarf, but he steals the whole frame.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Shipping Schedule: Sept/Oct

Due to a very large increase of work, I will have very limited time to ship out orders! Therefore, I've created a shipping schedule for you to reference when purchasing an item from me.

18th, 25th, 26th

1st, 4th, 9th, 16th, 22nd, and the 30th.

I'm very sorry for any inconvenience this may cause! I will do my best to have orders out as soon as I can. As always, please let me know ASAP if you need an item by a certain date - I can possibly arrange to have it shipped.

Thanks for reading! Happy shopping :)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

New Notebooks!

Today was the debut of my new upcycled notebook line: design and color notebooks.

Each notebook features pages from an atlas I have, and the covers are upcycled from graphic design samples my friend Juli gave me many years ago. I also took it upon myself to bedazzle each cover with a gem, so your notebook is as girly as possible.

The notebook rings can be opened, so you can add more paper if you wish or take some out.

Each notebook is just $5 with a few bucks for shipping. Each one is one of a kind, so get yours fast before they sell out!

Friday, September 7, 2012

5 Years Later.

Five years have gone by since I made my first steps onto Asian soil. It was long overdue that I went back, but my trip ended up being absolutely perfect.

This was my first time traveling with friends, and I have to admit, I don't know how I ever did it alone! Having the support and company of two good people made me realize how valuable friendship is. We were able to push each other through the rough times (jet lag was a killer) and laugh at all the ridiculous stuff we saw. There were rough spots (I decided that I was just gonna go back to Chicago as soon as we landed in Bangkok because I couldn't get money out of the ATM.. which sounds a lot funnier than it was at the time..) and moments of total exhaustion, but waking up to the bustling sounds of Bangkok and then waking up to a pristine beach and calm gulf made everything totally worth it.

Going back was surreal for me. Not much has really changed, and as soon as I walked out of the airport it felt as though I never left. As I re-lived a lot of memories and walked down familiar paths, though, I realized that it was me who had changed. No longer was I the shy 20 year old girl who couldn't talk to anyone but instead spent all of her time reading at restaurants and on the buses. I wasn't intimidated by the other backpackers, and I was enjoying my time in this foreign country for what felt like the first time. It may have been because I have matured, but also because I've experienced the pain of missing something that I took for granted. Ever since I've left Asia, I have dreamt about it, almost went back several times, re-lived moments in my imagination and looked at my photos countless times.

Having gone back, I can safely say that I feel as if I have filled a void. I don't long for it anymore - I feel as if I've done what I needed to do and can continue on traveling to new places. So onward I shall go!

Now, here are some great photos that sum up our trip. (click for larger versions!)

tuk-tuk's in bangkok

view from our beach resort.. it's real! 

Berna and her kitty 

mmm.. food!!!!!!!!!!

cute kitties!! 

riding in the tuk-tuk! 

coke in a bag! 

on the sleeper train

Chinatown in Bangkok.. gotta love it! 

defeated at the Bridge Over the River Kwai. We were dead from jet lag. 

Waiting for the ferry to take us back to Bangkok :(