definition

I don't know what you think of me. I am not sure if you think I am cool, sometimes rude, outspoken, blunt (or honest), nice, mean, etc. Sometimes I don't know what I think of myself and everyday is a struggle in trying to figure out what I am meant to do with my life.

I am in school for fashion design, something you probably already know. Do I see myself as a high-profile fashion designer? No way. While I do enjoy the industry, I know that I don't think I will get fulfillment out of fashion. I love expressing myself and helping others do the same, but there is so much more to me than that.

My brain is constantly going and thinking about what I can do to make this world a better place. I am always trying to think things through- if I started this organization then I'd have to do that and if I did that then I'd have to worry about this and so on. I'm also trying to figure out who I want to help. People? Animals? Dogs? Children? Which country, which continent? Where will my degree fall into place?

I have so much drive, though. I love to help people, teach, learn, and work with animals. However, I have a strong gut feeling that what I want to do doesn't require a degree in something like international studies or politics. I just feel something in my soul and my heart that is telling me to keep trying to figure it out, keep traveling, and keep believing in myself.

So many people are quick to tell me that I will never be able to do something or that it would be so much work & money to start an organization in another country. So many risks would have to be taken and I'd be leaving so much behind. However, I know that when I find what I'm looking for, when I discover which direction I'm going to take, I won't look back. So much of me wants to leave this place and this city.. even this country..right now. I just don't feel ready yet, I'm not ready to leave my family, friends and dogs (children).  I would like to finish school, but if I don't and I feel strongly enough about my life-direction, I won't. Life is too short to worry about certain things, and in my eyes, if I came across the perfect opportunity to do something I knew I would love, I wouldn't think twice about leaving school. (However, I am trying to finish a bit quicker than before! I'm taking more classes this quarter)

My plea to you, dear reader, is that if someone expresses to you their dream, their potential path in life, please don't let the first thing out of your mouth be a negative thing. Ask that person questions, see where they're going and what they want to do. Don't tell someone "oh, that costs so much money" "oh, you have to do so much school" etc. because no one wants their potential dreams shot down within 5 seconds.

I have had so many degree changes, and every time I would change it & tell my dad or certain friends, I would always get a negative response. Either that career didn't pay enough, the school would be to expensive and so on. Obviously, if I'm changing degrees so fast I am not trying to settle, I'm just researching different careers and possibilities and paths. This was a few years back and these days I am 100% confident in my chosen field. I also am 100% confident in myself that I will find what I want to do, but it still is so unnecessary and it really sucks to tell someone something I think is exciting (such as where I want to go or what I want to do WITH my degree) and still have them tell me "ohhh that's gonna be SO much work".. seriously!! Just be happy for me. I'm not asking you to fund my ideas or dedicate any time.. I'm just TELLING you because I'm excited for myself and I wanted to share. That's it, That's all.

And so, this is my rant. I hope that maybe there will be a little bit more positive in this world, because we really, really need it.